He's home!!!!!!!!

Thank you everyone for the prayers and well wishes. Mark got discharged today, and the kids and I went over to his house to play for a while. He got exhausted pretty quickly so he took a nap and the kids and I finished our errands.

It was tentatively planned that he would be staying here tonight, but I've been sick for about 2 weeks, got better for about 24 hours and now I'm back to having a runny nose, cough and sore throat. And the kids have colds and Tristan has the ear infection. Since they upped his predinsone doseage (prednisone lowers the immune system) he basically needs to stay away from anyone who is sick, and should probably wear a mask in public (good luck with that one!!!!!), So, he had to go home, we don't want to chance him getting sick again. I'm sad because I wanted to cook him some dinner and give him a heat pack for his arms (very sore after the IV's).

Thank you again for all the support and prayers, we really have amazing friends and family!!!!!!

Another night in the hospital

Mark is spending his 4th night in the hospital tonight, I miss watching him run around and play with the kids, and I miss him helping me with my math homework and I miss cooking dinner with him and I just miss him period. I hope he gets to come "home" very soon!

I am frustrated with the hospital though, something "happened" (won't indicate if they lost it or something with the test went wrong) to his sputum culture from Wednesday and then had to get him to give another sample today. It's at least 72 hours for a preliminary result, and they are talking about not letting him come home until they know what he is culturing. So that's a minimum of 3 more days. He has lost SOOOOOOOOOO much weight while in the hospital. I asked him if he wanted me to go ask the nurses to get him double portions, but he said he didn't want to be a bother. I can't wait to get him home and fatten him up.

Plus the poor guy is bored out of his mind, he has an teeny little TV and that is is. Plus it's like 95 degrees in his room (so bad the windows are all steamy) and nobody has changed his sheets since they moved him from the ICU on wednesday- no joke. So please continue to keep him in your prayers and for those of you who have his #, feel free to give him a call, he would LOVE to chat. And if you don't have it and would like it, please email me at jraysbrook@shoreline.edu

Apparently this week CAN get more difficult

I went to pick the kiddos up from daycare today and Tristan ran over to me and started bawling- totally uncharacteristic of him. Ms. Michelle told me he had been "a sad boy all day, cried about everything all day long". I thought maybe he was feeling the stress of what is going on with Mark.

He cried and SCREAMED the entire car ride from daycare to the hospital where we were going to visit Mark. I got the kids upstairs into Mark's room and Tristan was still crying (a painful crying, not whiney), and then I noticed he was pulling on both of his ears. Ding ding....ear infection.

So downstairs we went to the ER. Have you ever tried to keep track of 3 toddlers in an ER, two who are feeling fine and one who won't stop crying because he's in so much pain????? It's not an easy task to accomplish, trying to get him registered to be seen, insurance and all that other crap, all while watching the other 2 trying to keep them under control and comfort the sick one. I broke a sweat long before we ever got called back to get vitals.

I must say that once we got back, we were in an out in 10 minutes- if even that much. I was very impressed, we didn't even wait 2 minutes before the doctor came in, got a prescription for ammoxicillin and then off to tackle the pharmacy. I'll spare you that story because it's just as long and poor Tristan cried the entire time. I felt SOOOOO bad for him.

But I'm really ticked at daycare, really ticked. It's a good thing I have tonight to think it over and calm down before I talked to them about it tomorrow.
What the heck is wrong with them? They call me when cassie scrapes her knee and needs some ice, or when Ry falls down and gets a minor bruise, but when Tristan, who is generally a jolly fellow, is crying ALL DAY LONG nobody thinks to maybe call mom and have her come check it out?!?!?!?!?!?!??? I'm really really ticked they made him suffer all day long and didn't think to call me at all. Ok, I'm done with my vent, thanks for listening if you've made it this far.

Mark's been admitted

Mark went into the ER last night because he felt like he had a fever and couldn't catch his breath. He had a fever of 103 and they said that his lungs were awful sounding. They did Arterial blood gases on him and they were 58, so up to the ICU he went.

I didn't get that information until early this evening. I suppose it's a good thing because I would have been much more worried... I only got to see him for about 30 minutes tonight because I had to get home to relieve my mom from watching the kids for me (Thank you mom, you're the best!!!).

He has been compliant with his meds and treatments, he's been on oral antibiotics for past month, just trying to clear this up, but it's evident they weren't enough. His pulmonologist says they were just keeping his infection at bay.

They've got him on vanco. and 2 other antibiotics (can't remember, Impermium or something and one other). He's really ansy and of course doesn't want to be there. He's bored out of his mind and its an older hospital in Arlington, WA (not the UW for you washingtonians) so there is no internet, the TV's are tiny... I wish I could have stayed longer tonight to keep him company.

And for those who have inquired, we are not officially divorced yet. neither of us seem able to sign on the dotted lines, even though the paperwork has been filed and we've had ample opportunity to pick a court date- we have yet to do so.

I'm still very much in love with him, and he assures me he is with me. We are not living together, but are at eachother's houses daily to spend time with the kids. We eat dinner together as a family Sunday nights, and do activities with the kids on the weekend. I guess I'm just rambling now, but neither of us really know "where" we are at with all of this right now. I guess we could use prayers on this too.

Thanks for tuning in :)

Fun in February

2 years ago today

I was looking through some old pictures today and came across some that I took exactly 2 years ago. I can't believe how big my babies are now and how little they use to be.

Tristan sleeping in his crib

Ryland sleeping in the family cradle, passed down through the generations

Cassiebear in the playpen, shortly before we inherited the 3rd crib from my mom (Thanks mom!)

Sticky, messy little Tristan monster

Ry bug, covered in apricots

And the cassiebear, she's even got it in her hair!

I remember this day too, they were COVERED in sticky babyfood and Mark and I had to wipe them down BEFORE the bath, it was hillarious!

Playing outside

It was a nice weekend for some outdoor play, so we all got bundled up and went outside. Here are a few pictures:

Some fun at daddy's new place

Taking a nap in Daddy's bed at Daddy's new house


Isn't she just adorable?!?!?!


Ryland with his new buzz cut and Tristan face down laughing at him



My adorable little Tristan Monster


Cassie in her Pretty dress, she is SOOOOOOOO into dresses!

A poem I found today, really puts my weekend into perspective

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children - I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics or money, or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child, I have longed and waited, I have cried and prayed, I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to obtain their dreams, I will notice everything about my child, I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover, I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing I can comfort, hold and feed them, and that I am not waiting to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream, My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense, that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child, that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads to me, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured, I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment and I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed, I have succeeded, I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort, I see it, mourn it and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely, I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, or other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth, and when life is beyond hard, I have learned a compassion that only comes from walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.